Monday, March 29, 2010
I thought its suppose to be 只要她开心就好?
atleast for me is 只要my boyfriend开心就好.
If I'm being so nice, why cant he say 只要慧敏开心就好?!
even for the thing i hated most (clubbing), I gave in and said "the next time u go, I wont feel a thing" and I mean it! even if he chose not to believe, I know I mean what I said.
I gave in because I know I shouldnt be so selfish
I gave in because I know he would be happier if he goes
I gave in simply because I want him to be happy, to have a carefree relationship with me
But obviously, its not the other way round
He doesnt care if I will like it or not
He doesnt care if I have to force myself to do things that I dont like
as long as he is happy, he is happy.
u get me?
Why cant I dress the way I like when she can dress lidat
and still be loved by million.
Cause people just love lady gaga!
even if she fart, people think its cool.
I believe her fans would supported her in whatever decision she made
and all I'm requesting, is for my boyfriend, the guy who had chosen me to be his one,
to accept me for who I am
to support me
to respect my decision
not to change me
trying changing lady gaga into taylor swift
whats the point?
just go for taylor swift
u get my point?
I'm sure there will be people out there who say "yucks! lady gaga is gross. she tried too hard"
but heck these people.
there will be others who appreciate her.
the same goes for me
if today u tell me "I dont like the wear u dress, sit, talks, eats, sleeps, jumps, cycles, laugh, cry..."
NEVER MIND!
I'm sure there will be people out there who says "I just love YOU"
let me repeat this again
I want a boyfriend who can accept me as me
me as Lin Hui Min
If u say "I still love the old u" well, go find the "old me"
I am who I am today
U should love ME no matter how much I change cos its ME
people love lady gaga no matter what hairstyle she carries, no matter what outfit she wears
cos at the end of the day, she is still lady gaga
u get it?
no matter what hairstyle I carries today, no matter what I wear, I AM STILL ME, LIN HUI MIN
didnt u love LIN HUI MIN?
I'M STILL LIN HUI MIN!!
u get it??????
YOU changed too.
but I accepted u for who u are
I accepted the changed u
U dont go clubbing in the past
U dont always talk about going clubbinh in the past
U dont wear a tshirt underneath a shirt in the past
U would clean the chair for me before I sit down in the past
U would help me carry my stuff in the past
U would ask me to pass u the bottle after I'm done in the past (now u think I should take the cap from me and carry the bottle. like HUH?)
yes, everyone change
but at the end of the day, we learn to adapt
some who cant adapt, might choose the simple way, of forcing others to change, according to his preference
this is no good.
I am not angry, not upset, not frustrated
I am dishearted, heartbroken, speechless
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Imagine a man sitting down with a little angel and demon flooting at either of his sides. He stared at them, looking real troubled and confused. Not knowing which side of rules to follow.
Does this sound familiar to u?
well, for me, it sure does.
In particularly, yesterday. (so maybe every saturday)
I knew I was being real selfish, but I just can't help it!
I knew I shouldnt have done wat I've done, but I just can't help it!
I knew you just wanna have fun, but I just can't help it!
My heart says "am I a burden? why aint I allow to go. I dont want him to have fun while I'm at home!"
(1st, yes I am indeed a burden. If i go, he will be looking after me. if i go, he will have to send me home halfway through cause I'll leave earlier than them all. even if i take my own transport back, he will have to send me to the taxi-stand. 2nd, its pure selfishness.)
My mind says "come on, he just wanna have fun. u got ur moments too!"
(my heart is much more powerful than my mind)
I have the weirdest dream yesterday night.
I have trying to call him, but its either engage or no one picks up.
I tried and tried. Finally, he picks up.
"hello, how come u never ans my phone?"
"erm... cos I just talking on the phone"
"oh alright, den i call u back later"
phone hangs.
few mintues later, I tried calling and the same thing happen
(either engage or no one picks up)
finally, some one picks up
but I suppose he pressed the wrong button and I can hear him talking to someone else (2nd line) "bye bye"
"ok bye bye"
how come its a girl ?! I thought.
thats all, and I woke up feeling like rotten egg.
how about, 8 out of 10 sentences reads clubbing clubbing clubbing
In the car: pop/R&B music starts playing through the radio, he starts dancing.
In the room: click youtube.com, search for pop/R&B songs and starts singing to it PLUS dancing
On the street, in the cinema, in foodcourts, while shopping, in restuarants (almost anywhere, anytime, anyday): randomly says things like "nevermind, wed I go ladies night." "during off, jio my bunkmates go supperclub, butterfactory (and the list goes on)."
I know I know he is just joking.
well, it is INDEED my fault yesterday
I kept him by my side but he still went for it
too late, queue too long, he has to leave.
I smsed him before bed to apologize
but he never reply...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
RECAP YEAR 2009
Jan:
Busy with poly's final year project.
Struggling with Business Development module project.
Feb:
End my last day of poly life.
March:
FIRST ever oversea trip with friends.
(went Genting with polymates)
second oversea trip with the same group of friends.
to Cruise, met sis and coll on board. went snorkeling together. best experience!)
April:
Start to face the cruel reality of looking for jobs.
(had a hard time doing so with Qiu)
May:
Finally started working at IAL.
(11th May)
Attended Singapore Poly's graduation.
(excited and touched)
June: -
July:
Transferred department
(from PDS-IAL to TS-IAL. I'll never ever regret this decision!)
Aug: -
Sep: -
Oct:
The day boyf weiyiao finally became a MAN
(made his first step into Tekong on 8th Oct)
Nov: -
Dec:
Thailand trip with papa's side relatives.
(Fell terribly sick. Vomited 4-5times on the 3rd day of our trip)
THE VERY BIG DAY! Sis's "THIS IS IT" wedding
(13th Dec. TOTALLY lost my voice on that day. Suffering from aftermath voice-lose effect up till today!)
Boyf weiyiao POP from Tekong, followed by 10+ days of leaves.
(and I missed the parade cause he only got two tickets)
Boyf weiyiao received his posting
(Khatib camp for the rest of his NS life)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
If missing you is suppose to be part of my life
then I would say my life is complete.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I'm just afraid of changes
I used to mock at them too
But now I fully understand how they feel
For those who din went through it,
JUST SHUT UP
Its not pain
Its not sadness
Its just the hatred of changes
Like that also cannot ah?!
Friday, October 09, 2009
Call me god.
I missed three days of work and still managed to
finish what is suppose to be done in these three days
in FIVE hours.
Call me god.
Anyway, am still missing my "Man".
he messaged me twice.
At 5:21am this morning and 1:19pm this afternoon.
Was really really glad. Thank god for giving me the chance to receive his message.
Totally brighten up my mood for that 2-3 mintues.
Today is friday.
My FIRST friday in the past 3 years, not meeting him.
YES. EVERY FRIDAY ever since 28 Aug 2006, I meet up with him.
Never fail. But no more. (Well, maybe we did skip a few. Haha. But we were quick enough to make it up the very next day - Sat.)
No more ringing him from my work station, asking him "Have u reach?"
No more dressing up for this happy friday, anticipating to have yet another date with him.
No more messaging him to discuss where to go later after work.
Friday means nothing much to me today.
Well, am looking forward to next friday though.
Cause he's coming out for the PH.
And lets just hope he gets to book out every friday night.
Atleast this way, friday still mean something to me.
I wonder how is he doing.
Can cope?
1030pm sleep, 530am wake.
When was the last time he did that.
Lets see... NEVER.
I bet it will take quite some time for him to adjust to this godly sleeping hours.
Heard from him that when he went for medical check up a year ago,
his waist was 35inch. and now, he slim down to 29inch.
Result in having a loose uniform, and thus received scoldings.
Wonder is everything ok.
Can take the tough training?
Anymore scolding?
Ok with the sleeping hours and food?
Ok with his bunk mates? (He was quite envy when he realised 2 of his friends were in another bunk, together)
Well, concern and company are probably all he needs to get through this tough period of NS (or maybe just these 2 months in Tekong).
Seems like my day revolve around waiting for his call and smses.
My HP cannot be out of my sight.
For fear that I might miss any calls or smses from him.
How pathetic right. Haha.
Just when I thought I would never be able to receive any Good Night messages from him anymore, he messaged me ytd before he sleep.
But I missed the golden chance to reply cause by the time I replied, its 3 mintues later and he has alr shut off his phone.
Thats how crucial time is.
So I would try my best not to let my HP be out of sight.
But never mind, I would still sms him.
And he can read it when he has time to switch on his phone.
I hope my messages can bring him hope and strength to survive through this tough period of adapting to NS life.
............................................
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Its not what you leave behind.
Its what you will gain ahead.
my Boy is now a grown up Man.
He is out there, preparing to protect the country.
Protect us.
Protect ME.
Life can never be the same again. (atleast for the next 2 years)
We grow up. We move on.
I dont want to sound emotional.
But you have got to understand, for the past 3 years, I can see him anytime I want.
I see him 3-4 times a week.
We sms every now and then. We hear each others' voice on the phone whenever we want to.
When I say life can never be the same again, its because
now (for the next 2years) I cant see him anytime I want. Meet him 3-4 times a week.
Receive his sms that often and hear his voice anytime I want.
I now he can survive through BMT. No worries.
Yes, its definitely not easy.
No more air-con.
No more gaming.
No more 2am-11am sleep time.
Simple as it is: NO MORE FREEDOM.
But if others can do it, so can Pang Wei Yiao.
If all other girlfriends can survive through these 2 year,
so can I.
I know its not easy for now, but I promise I will get used to it soon.
I MISS YOU MY DEAR.
the first night is always the toughest.
Applies to both me and you. But lets work hard together.
Jia you!
Most of the time, we learn to treasure
only when its gone.
I totally agree with it now.
In the past, I took him too much for granted.
I never for once realise, one day, I might not be able
to see and hear from him as and when I like.
Now, I will treasure every moment, every sec we meet
and every sms/phone calls I receive.
Every single one them is a gift from above.
161009, some time at night. Counting down.
181009 back to camp and straight 2 weeks bye-bye confinement week.
Some days around 23 oct, field trip. 6 days of TOTAL lost contact period.
How can I...
091209. I await this day where you can finally bid goodbye to Tekong. POP!
2 months cannot be that long, right?